Family Values

As I sit here, writing, I feel emotions that may wash over me, rising just beneath the surface. I have a multitude of thoughts running through my mind, but only one seems to encompass them all… how Family Values affect Loss. Let me clarify, what I mean is how family values affect our response to tragedy, trouble, and loss.

While I was pregnant, I had a conversation with a dear friend about how parents foster relationships between siblings. Her answer lingers with me still... “You must decide what it means to be a Ricchuiti with Tim, and then you have to teach your children what it means to be a Ricchuiti.” What she meant was teaching your Family Values; in particular the importance of family and genuine relationship with each other.

As Tim and I discussed this idea later that night, we inevitability discussed what it had meant to be a Ricchuiti or Vogtner within our individual homes growing up. Tim and I are still in the process of defining what it means to be a Ricchuiti for our family, but I can clearly tell you what it means to be a Vogtner (my maiden name).

Being a Vogtner means:

• You stick together as a family… NO MATTER WHAT!
• When life gets tough (and it will), run to the Lord for strength, guidance, and comfort.
• At the end of the day, God is Faithful, and somehow, someway everything will be ok (even if that means the results are different than you thought they would be).

I could go on and on with the specifics of Vogtner-hood, but for the most part these are the Family Values that have stuck with me into adulthood. I am thankful for the legacy I have listed above, in fact the longer I live the more I realize the gift my parents gave me in relationship to family. But as with every family, there are always distortions of the truth we carry with us. For me, the above Family Values also translated into “be strong… no matter what, just get through it!” And with this belief, I often encounter crisis with the primary goal of surviving in strength, looking as though I am unfazed by whatever is thrown my way.

As I have encountered loss over the last few months, I have noticed that I have not leaned and gleaned on the Lord’s strength, but have instead shut down emotionally and imitated the God strength I have seen others portray. You see there is something difficult for me about approaching God in crisis, because it means I must surrender and will be completely out of control. I fear the result will be me not looking strong, not looking unfazed, and not looking as though I have it all together.

The reason I have been pondering the idea of Family Values and Loss, is because this weekend I am in Nashville, visiting my beautiful sister and her beautiful newborn babies. As my sister begins to teach her little ones her Family Values, I anticipate experiencing sadness because Tim & I have not yet had this privilege.

The back drop to this weekend isthat two weeks ago Tim & I lost our third pregnancy in less than a year. All week, I have been thinking one thing, how can I be strong and unmoved emotionally when I see those little fingers and toes and am at the hospital to rejoice with my baby sister. In the back of my head, I just keep thinking at all cost I must be strong and unmoved so I can do the “right thing,” rejoice with my sister. But in reality, that is not possible. I can not be unmoved emotionally and genuinely rejoicing with my sister. Those two ideas contradict each other. In order for me to do the “right thing” I must feel the genuine sadness in me so that I might be genuine in my rejoicing for my sister.

Anybody else see the train headed for the cliff here? In my own strength, the sadness will overtake me and I will be unable to rejoice with someone else (even my own sister). BUT for God!!! This weekend, I am praying and believing that I will be able to feel genuine sadness and yet rejoicing!

Today’s Focus:

1. Admit the reality of my weakness, sadness, and inability to rejoice, and trust in God’s power/ability in me to mourn and yet rejoice!

BUT He (God) has told me, "My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most happily boast about my weaknesses, so that the Messiah's power may rest on me. 2 Cor. 12:9

2. Allow others (specifically my family) to mourn with me, just as I am rejoicing with my sister.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Rom. 12:15

3. Trust in God’s promise to me personally during this time.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matt. 5:4

4. Hope in the assurance that this season will not always be.

There is an appointed time for everything. A time to give birth and a time to die, and a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal, and a time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh, and a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones, and a time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost, and a time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together, and a time to be silent and a time to speak. Ecc. 3:1-7